Why Egalitarian Isn’t Good Enough: Rethinking Church Staff Culture
Sitting in our Tuesday morning gathering for pastors—brilliantly entitled Pastoral Prayer—I realized that my mounting frustration, awkwardness, and anxiety had nothing to do with my ability to pastor or pray. Rather, it stemmed from the fact that I was smack in the middle of something that felt more like a men’s locker room.
The small talk topics, the relational dynamics, and the personalities dominating the conversation made it clear: unless I was well-versed in sports, fluent in the art of smack talk, and able to walk the fine line between good-natured humor and off-color jokes without letting it faze me, I would never be truly successful as part of this pastoral team.
Sound familiar? Chances are, you’ve never noticed these dynamics on your church staff—unless you’re a female pastor.
Over the course of my research with female leaders in Western Canada who serve in egalitarian churches, I learned that policy changes from complementarian to egalitarian leadership barely scratch the surface when it comes to creating environments where women can truly thrive as pastors.
What I found through my research surprised me. Many women have found ways to flourish in pastoral leadership—but often at great personal cost, and at the expense of the congregants they serve. In trying to find space, voice, and influence within historically male-dominated staff teams, many female leaders have opted to leave their gender at the door or lean only into socially acceptable feminine traits in leadership.
This should concern all of us. From the very beginning of creation, God invited both a man and a woman to tend together to the flourishing of His good world. I believe that both male and female leadership are essential to cultivating flourishing congregations today.
So, what can you do?
My thesis research revealed three key categories: things churches need to stop doing, things they need to start doing, and an awareness of the “outliers”—women who have succeeded despite unhealthy work cultures that privilege male leadership styles and practices.
STOP
Practicing the Billy Graham Rule.
Male leaders who refuse to meet one-on-one with women often make time for one-on-one meetings with other men. This gives male leaders mentorship and opportunities that women never receive—especially when most senior leaders are men.
Interviewee D: “And one of the beautiful things about [the lead pastor] was that he didn’t adhere to the Billy Graham rule. So he would take you for coffee, he would say, ‘let’s have a conversation.’ You had access to leadership. Which, again, waters that place of like, ‘Oh, this is thirsty ground,’ because I am learning from this leader. I am learning from this man. And he comes to my office and asked me ‘What do you think?’ And so just this picture, it was like this little glimpse of like, ‘Oh, this is what fellowship with the opposite gender, being respected by the opposite gender, valued’—It just painted a different Kingdom picture that was so beautiful” (Vetter, 2022).
Hiring from the Old Boys’ Network.
Many denominational leaders went to Bible college or seminary together, perhaps playing sports or staying connected for decades. When hiring happens through this informal network, it often excludes gifted female leaders who haven’t had the same access or connections.
Interviewee G: “[The lead pastor] taught that you serve based on your giftedness. And so, in theory, women could do anything. But, he is an old German, who networks with people he’s comfortable with and so, no women had ever gotten very high. Like there’s never been a woman in the executive leadership table” (Vetter, 2022).
Overlooking locker room culture, gender stereotyping, and double standards.
These hidden scripts can shape staff culture in damaging ways.
- Locker Room Culture: Coarse joking, comments on women’s appearances, and allowing the loudest or most popular voice to dominate meetings have no place on a church staff.
Interviewee D: “Tell the stories of women. Like we hear…three years in sports analogies, like some of them outright stupid sports analogies, that are supposed to connect us to the kingdom of God?… ‘Are you kidding me?’ Like some of them? I’m like, legitimately angry! …we need to start telling the stories of women” (Vetter, 2022).
- Gender Stereotyping: Notice how tasks are delegated. Are female staff expected to take on planning, food, or admin-heavy responsibilities simply by default?
Female leaders struggling to flourish cited “Me vs. Gender Expectations” as a barrier to flourishing 2.5 times more often in the survey than female leaders in flourishing spaces. And 42.7% of survey respondents indicated that unhealthy team culture significantly limited their flourishing (Vetter, 2022).
- Gender Double Standards: Do you treat sabbaticals and maternity leave the same? How do you respond when a male vs. a female colleague tears up during a meeting? Are men praised for being assertive while women are criticized as abrasive or bossy?
Interviewee G: “I would say… I am very emotionally controlled. And that is sadly—like a man can cry at the board table. ‘And doesn’t he have a tender heart. Isn’t that wonderful?’ ‘Oh she’s, you know, she’s a basket case” if we cry at the table, right? It’s like, okay that’s not fair. But, so, I can do that. And I am not much of a crier and so, that isn’t particularly hard for me. But it’s for sure, I will hold myself in check. So that makes a difference” (Vetter, 2022).
START
Celebrating and rewarding male leaders who share platform and power with women, advocate for them to have a voice in key decisions and help them build diverse networks.
Interviewee A draws attention to the willingness for her supervisor to let her try and fail while still being willing to be direct and honest about what she needs to improve. “He’s just happy to let you thrive, willing to let you try, really honest about what you’re good at, and will say what you got to work on. That’s super helpful and honestly, that’s a huge difference for me, really” (Vetter, 2022).
Create visible career pathways for female pastors. Highlight the role of women in Scripture and offer connections to female mentors who have gone before.
Interviewee C spoke to leaving a position due to the lack of visible career pathway: “I don’t know that I saw like a long-term career there. Because I didn’t see how I could grow. And I didn’t see an environment where I would be encouraged to grow. And that there would be opportunities for me beyond children[‘s ministry] to women’s ministry” (Vetter, 2022).
Build organizational practices that support women.
Use gender-neutral language in staff policies and when referring to a pastor’s spouse. Provide equitable parental leave policies that honor both parents. Implement performance feedback tools that screen for gender bias and offer pathways for reporting discrimination.
Interviewee F: “So I just kept saying this guy is not for you guys. Like he’s not on the same team. He is not…. just deal with him. And they would seek my advice, but then the rest of the guys were like ‘oh, like he’s, he’s a good guy.’ We just need to give them some help…they gave him chance after chance. And he ended up taking off a bunch of money and broken relationships all over in the area that he was in” (Vetter, 2022).
Outliers
A key finding in my research was the presence of outliers—female leaders who appear to be thriving in male-dominated environments, but whose success may mask deeper systemic issues.
Some of these women grew up outside the church and aren’t influenced by its cultural messages. Others hold traditionally gendered roles like Women’s or Children’s Pastor. Still others naturally lean into traits such as humility, deference, and enthusiasm—qualities that are often more acceptable in women.
These leaders can unintentionally give churches the false impression that no work is needed to address gender dynamics. In reality, they may be succeeding in spite of the culture, not because of it.
Conclusion
Flourishing for women in ministry leadership requires more than opportunity—it demands intentional attention to culture, systems, and shared power.
Egalitarian ministry environments are built on mutual respect, collaborative leadership, and a deep commitment to equity in voice, value, and opportunity. In these spaces, leadership is shaped not by charisma or hierarchy, but by humility, team building, and the shared pursuit of God’s mission.
When women and men lead together with trust and authenticity, the whole church flourishes.
*The data presented in this article was taken from Amy’s thesis, Requirements for Women to Flourish in Egalitarian Churches: Internal Cultural Issues after Policy Change (2022).
Amy Vetter
Amy is the Chapter Director at Safe Families Canada. A leader and advocate, Amy Creates language and space for a diversity of voices to flourish in ministry leadership.
